What the Florida!? – Week of October 25


Gunnar Strom, Contributor

Man Arrested After Trying to Light Child Molesters on Fire

Jorge Porto-Sierra is a 50-year-old man from Florida who was arrested by police after he attempted to “barbeque all the child molesters and kill them.” He attempted this action at the Friendly Village Inn in Kissimmee by pouring gasoline outside of several hotel rooms, as well as breaking windows in order to pour gasoline inside of the rooms as well. He kept threatening the inhabitants of the hotel rooms, carrying a lit cigarette and yelling threats at them. Soon after, the police arrived and arrested him on charges of attempted premeditated murder. When asked why he didn’t burn the rooms, Porto-Sierra told the police that they had “got here too soon.”

Man Jumps off Surfboard and Lands on a Shark

A man was bitten by a shark the other day after he fell off his surfboard onto a passing shark in the water. Luckily, he only suffered minor cuts on his feet and was treated at the scene by paramedics soon after it happened. “It felt like a freight train hit me,” commented the surfer who drove himself home to Orlando after the attack, “and the first thing I could think of was to literally push him away from me and as soon as it happened, I grabbed my board and started to paddle as fast as I could.” Despite the circumstances, the surfer has also said that he is not deterred from surfing, and plans on getting back in the water as soon as he’s healed.

Man Spits on Another Man Wearing MAGA Hat, Does it to Support Law Enforcement

Matthias Ajple was arrested after a dispute where he knocked a MAGA hat off of another customer at a bar and then spit on him. The man wearing the hat was 67-year-old Robert Youngblood. Youngblood said that “he was sitting at the bar wearing his red ‘Make America Great Again’ hat and a white male approached him and stated ‘you should go back to Russia you [expletive] communist.’” Ajple then told police he was just trying to support them in getting rid of the Trump supporter and was later arrested.